i will never coherently bang her
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
