We won't sleep together?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
