I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
