Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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