I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
