after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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