omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
