You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
