it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
