i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
