slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I AM VODKA MAN
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
