matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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