How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
