Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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