I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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