I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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