She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So vagazzling was a success
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
