No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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