dude i'm inner monologue high
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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