you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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