I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
