I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
