just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
