i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
