Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
