the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
