Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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