So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
