I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
