i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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