It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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