you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
