i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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