You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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