I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
