I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
