Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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