I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
