So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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