Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
