Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
