I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
