i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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