After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
