She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
