god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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