She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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