Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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