he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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