Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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