Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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